Awakening...

(Or just an indulgent, egotistical rant...)

Shhh...Silence is Golden

digital montage, mixed media/2011

I fell again today. 


I seem to be developing a talent for it.  My unconscious is apparently trying to shake me out of my comfortable life, my sweet, indulgent, cushy life.  Take this seriously or you will lose it.  I don't want to lose it, I've felt the repression of art and, it's a dangerous place to be, if that is your calling.  So, 61 years after the flame began, today I am allowing it to consume me, heart and soul.

No longer can I pretend to be an 'artist,' while secretly thinking myself not good enough.  My calling is ARTIST with all the obsessive craziness associated with it.  I am blowing off my obligations to the church, my family, and yes, myself, all for the sake of one piece of art.  One, not a bunch, just one.   I think this is a milestone and my work has taken me to a very different level of awareness and thinking.


This new dawning has been approaching me slowly, and it's appearance shouldn't surprise me one bit, but somehow I'm taken a bit unaware.  Perhaps my years of putting my creativity last have conditioned me to take such change with doubt.  Doubt won't do it this time; I have fallen off the cliff I have so carefully trod for a lifetime - flirting with art, and yet being a terribly responsible person because art isn't a responsible person's arena. 


My work, which isn't mine at all, will continue, but it, too, has undergone a tremendous upheaval.  There has been a shift in my methods, my eye, my presentation, my work habits.  There is yet another shift coming soon.  I am praying that this final one will allow me to settle into the channel of voyaging along the creative flow without the interruptions of method dispute.


This is an ongoing struggle but one that has taken a major leap today.  Today I fell, into myself.  Praise God.


Peace - B
(PS: Shhh...Silence is Golden is not the piece, although it had a strong part in this process.)